Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
