So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
