so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
