The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize