I feel great
I just peed on a car
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
