he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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