No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
