the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have peed in a lot of sinks
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
