if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
