I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
