Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
