You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
