Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
