Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
