Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
