No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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