Yo dont text me then not text me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
