can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
