A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize