Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
