It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
