meet me or not, i'm out of control
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
