just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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