i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize