At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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