Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
