my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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