so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
