community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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