When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
love makes seman taste better
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
