No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you would pick up someone in the library
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
