i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize