'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
