He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
