mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
