stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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