i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
