Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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