Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Drunk is not a location!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
