you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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