i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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