she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
