I don't think brook has ever known best
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
