so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
