I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
