I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
