uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
