I smell stomach acid.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
