I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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