FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
