I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
