I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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