i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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