Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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