Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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