4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
