I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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