Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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