DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
