I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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