I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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