I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
