I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
