I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize