They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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