I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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