I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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