dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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