i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
