xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
