Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
