she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
