My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
