I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
