I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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