i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
God, I missed his penis.
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