And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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