i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
