A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
