Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
what the fuck happened to the tacos
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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