the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
