If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
