Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
